Week 3: Retreating From The World

Last week I spoke about meeting old friends, how I'd forgotten how good it can be to allow yourself the time to be around people who understand you and know who you are and what you've been through.

This week it's been a complete 180 and by the end of week I was ready to bury myself in bed, close the curtains and hide away from the world for two days. I've stopped replying to messages and I'm just giving myself time alone to reconnect with myself and have time to shut out everyone else and focus on me. Selfish? Maybe. But don't we all need that time in our lives to forget about what everyone else wants from us and to focus on what we want from us.

I'm an introvert. Through and through. I don't mind the company of other people, I enjoy the conversations that I can have with friends. But more often than not you can find me alone somewhere, daydreaming and planning the things that I want to achieve in my life. Most of them not involving other people.


The Beauty of Autumn.

The beauty of autumn is dark nights and tired eyes. Swift chill breezes and harsh rain showers. It's early mornings dressed in the dark. The beauty of autumn is leaves tumbling from trees. Sunsets blinding the long drive home. It's grey clouds heavy with precipitation. The beauty of autumn is sad songs and long forgotten memories. It's the feeling of warmth when you arrive home. The beauty of autumn is a roast dinner with family. A lazy weekend forgetting everything. The beauty of autumn is bundling into coats. Wrapping scarves, round and round and round. Laughter fogging up the night air. It's Sunday afternoons lighting the fire. A timeless movie playing on repeat. The beauty of autumn is the end of summer. But could be new beginnings. It's the prelude to the cold days of winter. The beauty of autumn is missed so often seen so rarely. But here, every year.

Weekday Thoughts #3 - Fire.

In life's hardest moments, where we are presented a situation of hardship, disappointment or loss; there is a split second where we have to make an almost unconscious decisions. It goes back to the natural instinct from thousands of years ago; fight or flight.

But its more than the urge to run or to stay and face whatever adversity that has been placed in front of us. Those moments can make a person, show them their true strength.

They can also break a person, but I urge you to not let them. In times like these a fire can be lit from within, coursing through you. Pushing you to face the difficulty head on, to fight and to win. In those moments you have to face up to who you are.

Acknowledge your weaknesses but summon up the courage to believe in yourself. If someone has told you that you can't. Believe that you can. Know your worth and challenge anyone to prove you otherwise.

To say that life is hard is the most obvious statement of all. A waste of breath that could have been…

Week 2: Meeting Old Friends

Can you call them 'old friends' if really it's only been a month since you last saw them, but they feel like old friends because they're the ones who know so much about you and what you've been though?

That's not the point of this post, what I really wanted to say is that I had forgotten how comfortable it feels to be around people who know you, who have been there for you and who understand you. Making new friends and experiencing new things is good don't get me wrong but there is that frustration there that they will never fully understand me. That without sitting them down and talking for hours they won't truly know me.

Even after talking about self worth, I think when you meet new people you are concerned about making a good impression and part of that is caring about what other people think of you. That's been my life for the past few weeks, settling into a new job and meeting new people that I have to work with and get on with.

Going back and…

Week 2: Realising My Own Self Worth

I started writing a journal at the start of October, all part of a challenge that I decided (spontaneously) to take part it. Journal writing isn't what this post is about, but, it was whilst I was writing my journal on Wednesday night that I realised something. I know my own Self Worth.

It's been a bit of a theme this week, self worth, I listened to a podcast on Monday from the Guilty Feminist about it and it started me on a train of thought about what that meant and whether I knew mine.

I didn't for a while, I let the opinions of others shape the opinion I had of myself. I was unhappy and for a while desperately wanted to blend in to the background. Look the same, act the same, have the same interests. Insignificant things about life were a big deal to me and I spent an unhealthy amount of time comparing myself to other people.

Was I as good looking as them?
As intelligent as them?
As funny?
As well liked?

Realising my self worth was about letting go of those questions, …

Weekday Thoughts #2: Alive.

For the majority of people, myself included our weakest moments are the ones in which we feel the most helpless and hopeless, those in which we feel insecure, inadequate and alone.

In those moments we look at ourselves; our appearance, our personality, our choices and our mistakes and tell ourselves that we are flawed and imperfect. That no matter what we do we will never be enough.

But its the complete opposite, when you look at yourself, those flaws that you see - the imperfections that mar the image of someone who is perfect. In those moments of insecurity.. You will never be so human.

You will never feel so Alive.


It's a funny word, one that denotes a heart beating and breath in our lungs, an image of health and happiness. But being alive is so much more than that.

Pain. Suffering. Insecurity. Hurt.

When you feel these emotions you shouldn't see the scars that paint your body, those physical and emotional but the beauty of the fact that you are …

Weekday Thoughts #1: The Meaning of Beautiful

There's a difference between someone; a stranger or a close friend telling you you're beautiful and actually for the first time believing it yourself.

It's a freeing moment when you finally believe for yourself on your terms and by your definition, which is the hardest to fulfil that you are beautiful. More than that, that no matter what anyone says you are enough.

You know that you don't look anything close to the airbrushed models on the front of magazines. Your hair will never be as shiny as a a tresemme advert. For sure your ears stick out a bit too much, one a lot more so than the other. That front tooth will always annoy you and you've got a big scar on your shoulder that doesn't even have an exciting story to go with it.

But despite all that, there is a confidence in your walk. A look on your face that says 'I don't care what you think' and 'I'm finally okay and happy with who I am'.

You're not drop dead gorgeous and by no me…